GA Price

TITLE: Ways to Get Committed

AUTHOR: Hannurdock


WARNINGS: No warnings, except maybe becoming certifiable after reading it




DISCLAIMER: The characters are property of Cannell and company. I just write about them. I don't make bags out of them!


The ways to get committed like Murdock.

1. Periodically refer to the submachine gun you keep in your cupboard.

2. Swat invisible bugs from your face.

3. Fart loudly, and discreetly fan the odour to your friend.

4. Eat a cheese and pickle sandwich making sure to talk with your mouth full of half eaten cheese and mashed up bread.

5. Talk about your life inside a mental institution frequently and every so often shout "I can't take this anymore".

6. Never wear deodorant, and claim natural smells are the cleanliest.

7. Pick an obscure fandom to support and wear the T-Shirt and badge set to prove it.

8. Howl whenever you see a full moon.

9. Try to bite your own ear.

10.Jerk your limbs infrequently as if it is involuntarily.

11. Eat spring onions every hour.

12. Wear combat trousers for work and paint your face in warlike colours.

13. Wear gloves constantly, especially when interacting with other people.

14. Whenever someone says the word 'Mates', laugh your head off and ask how much.

15. Invent your own swear words. ie, You ragzz/poplum/scazz.

16. Stare at everyone you can, and chuckle like a maniac.

17. Eat cigars.

18. Trust no-one.

19. Talk like Freddie Kruger.

20. Try to strangle yourself.

21. Always start a sentence with 'The Voices' ie if someone asked why you shaved the family dog you respond 'The voices made me do it'.

22. Keep a journal of pretend crimes.

23. Start sleeping with a beer can.

24. Watch the film 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest' ten times a day and then re-enact your favourite scenes.

25. Stock your food cupboard with washing up liquid.

26.Buy a pineapple, make it look like a face and then impale it on a rake outside your front door.

27. Practice ouiji and meditation.

28. Get a tattoo done on your bum saying 'shit happens'.

29. Wash your face with a dirty rag.

30. Waltz around the house naked.

31. Periodically hit the deck and shout "Haroooooka, they are coming in!!!".

32. Give yourself several identities.

33. Climb stairs backwards, and claim the idea was from an inspirational film. (The Exorcist)

34. Look at someone strangely and ask "Do I know your best friend? You look just like her!".

35. When using public transport, always ensure you have toilet paper lining your seat to stop the transferral of germs.

36. Talk to animals with more respect than you do with humans.

37. Try to find a deeper meaning hidden within the folds of toilet paper.

38.Listen to records backwards.

39. Break pencils in other people's presence and growl angrily.

40. Record a satanic ritual as your answer machine message.

41. Join a cult.

42. Become obsessed with remote controls.

43. Pretend your comb is a weapon and practice martial arts with it.

44. Listen to Celine Dion .... and like it!!!

45. End each sentence you speak with 'as the Lord said'.

46.Eat chilled monkey brains.

47. Watch psycho and go "aha, yeah" with every death scene.

48. See mass murderers in a positive light.

49. Write backwards.

50. And finally ..... Drink through your nose.