GA Price

TITLE: Ways To Evade Orderlies

AUTHOR: Hannurdock

RATING: E

WARNINGS: No warnings, except maybe becoming certifiable after reading it

STORY TYPE: List

CATEGORY: AU, Humour

LENGTH: One-Off

DISCLAIMER: The characters are property of Cannell and company. I just write about them. I don't make bags out of them!


****


In response to Murdy - here is a few ways I've found effective.


1. Always keep a banana skin handy, great for slipping the suckers up

2. When the banana skin goes all crusty, try throwing smarties on the ground instead

3. If you are trapped in a straight jacket, your shoulders become lethal weapons, use this to your full advantage

4. Bribe them. Keep a packet of dog buscuits handy

5. Ask for a 'rack' to stretch your legs so you can run further and faster

6. Keep the floors slippery enough in your padded cell, so if an orderly comes in the room, you can run, jump and slide under their legs - make a clean getaway

7. Do not rely on your ability to quick-talk them, remember you are considered insane

8. Phone the orderly on duty, make a muffled sound down the receiver, quickly throw the phone into the wall, and hide behind the door. Chances are he'll walk into the room, and you can sneak past - freedom!!

9. Remember the golden rule - Every door has a silver lock pick

10. Learn from Murdock's example and have a con man do all the work for you :) Saves time and a lot of effort.