Behind the Scenes: The Making of Commercials
Kid 1 - Tempelton Faceman Peck
Macdonalds Assistant - Hannibal
Victor Helldew - BA Baracus (MACDONALDS)
Kid 2 - Amy Amanda Allen
Papa - Murdock (CAR ADVERT)
Nicole - Tawnia Baker
Fred - Colonel Decker (ARMY ADVERT "there's Fred")
CREDITS: ........ PRODUCTION COMPANY ... STOCKWELL CORPORATION .............. PRODUCER ... STOCKWELL ................ CO PRODUCER ... STOCKWELL
....................WARDROBE ... ARMANI (Face wanted it that way) .................... CAMERA'S ... MR X & CO. (Some big dude from The X-Files that no-one ever really found out the identity of)
READY ..... AIM (don't you dare touch that gun, Mr X!) ....... ACTION ......
SCENE: COUNTRYSIDE. A BIG BLACK VAN WITH RED DETAILING ALONG THE SIDE RUMBLES INTO VIEW. A MADMAN AT THE WHEEL, LOOKING AROUND HIMSELF WITH DAZED EYES.
MURDOCK: "Nicole ....? Nicole .....?" (Bad French accent)
TAWNIA: Papa! Papa!!!!!! (starts to scream as the new Ford Mondeo races towards the black van) Turn, ya idiot!!!
MURDOCK: Nicole!!!!! (Black van goes into Mondeo. Scene becomes slow as Tawnia is jolted forward, and then back into her seat like a crash dummy)
TAWNIA: That was close!
MURDOCK: Shit! She aint dead! (Rams into car to try and finish the annoying woman off without success).
CREDITS RUN : THE FORD MONDEO ..... YOU JUST CAN'T GET RID OF IT!
CUT TO: BA .... WALKING INTO A MACDONALDS RESTAURANT.
BA: What's this, sucka?
HANNIBAL: Can I help you, sir?" (Hannibal pouts as he says "sir", he never calls anyone sir and hates the word if it isn't addressed to him)
BA: What's all this? Eight favourites at only 99p each. Why in Vietnam, we had to work for our grub. None of these la-tee-da offers and cheapo food! Bet they taste like shit
HANNIBAL: We don't cook the burgers as long. That's why they are half the price. The chips are half the size, and the milkshake ... well ... let's just say its mainly milk
BA: I'll have one of those then .... (Hannibal fiddles with a milkshake machine, spraying the contents all over his shirt and swearing like a trooper)
BA WALKS OUT OF MACDONALDS, PAUSING AT A TABLE WHERE FACE AND AMY ARE SITTING ENJOYING THEIR MEAL. WELL, AMY HAS A CHICKEN SANDWICH, AND FACE HAS A RICE CAKE.
BA: You kids have got it easy, with your ..... (BA looks confused) what the hell is that, anyway?
FACE: A rice cake. Nutricious and healthy. The only way to eat.
BA: That was on the menu? Think you've been cheated, doesn't like its worth 99p to me.
BA WALKS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT CHUCKLING EVILLY TO HIMSELF.
CREDITS RUN: MACDONALDS, 8 FAVOURITES FOR ONLY 99P EACH!
MR X SMILES TO HIMSELF AS HE FOLLOWS BA'S PROFILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE KNOWS THEIR IS A BIGGER PICTURE, THAT ALIENS ARE OUT THERE - A BAND THAT NEVER MADE IT, CHICKENS DO KNOW HOW TO SPELL THEIR OWN NAMES AND DOGS PISS UP STREETLAMPS BECAUSE THEY FIND THE LIGHT EROTIC ...
CUT TO: BLACK SCREEN. RED LETTERING APPEARS. B.E...T.H.E...B.E.S.T......
Scene of a man running with a gun in his hand among other soldiers. Big red arrows point down to him and the name "Fred" appears on the television screen.
Another scene of a man jumping through hoola hoops and belching as he is eating